You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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