I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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