he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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