I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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