I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
