hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
