Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently you make a good broom.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
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If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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