I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
