SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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