no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
