So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
