So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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