I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
