I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
