It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
