Don't make out with my wife yet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
