just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
