guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
