so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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