u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
