What a fucking waste of an outfit
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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