I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
