So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
