If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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