his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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