I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
