Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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