So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
