I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
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we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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