i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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