I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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