you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
