the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
