i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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