The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
