I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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