Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
