What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
