i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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