Girls should come with a carfax report
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
