I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
