when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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