did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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