Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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