i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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