The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
