THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
