I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
