I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
