let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just blew my weed a kiss
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
