I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
