I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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