I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize
