Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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