Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
