i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
