Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
