also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
