so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
