it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
