turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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