____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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