I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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