i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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