your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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