The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
