It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
