He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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