I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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