No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
