I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
