ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

  Fav 55 1617 11181

  share tweet
  

• (281): View more from Texas

  I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.

  Fav 51 3900 904

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (586): View more from Michigan

  he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...

  Fav 13 1152 5375

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

  Fav 7 1193 3061

  share tweet
  

• (846): View more from

  he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.

  Fav 14 1910 5501

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.

  Fav 7 4655 1186

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.

  Fav 2 969 603

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.

  Fav 3 2349 663

  share tweet
  

• (510): View more from California

  It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.

  Fav 4 1252 735

  share tweet
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  Did I run away from you last night?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship

  Fav 2 1019 567

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.

  Fav 1 538 281

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.

  Fav 0 331 190

  share tweet
  

• (831): View more from California

  It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.

  Fav 0 58 20

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.

  Fav 0 7 38

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink

  Fav 0 47 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize