I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
