He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
