Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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