hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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