What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
