I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
