yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
