you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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