do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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