he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
