she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
